


we fight.

by AstrologicalGem



Series: we rebuild [1]
Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Child Death, Cuddling, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Developing Relationship, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Imprisonment, Medical Inaccuracies, Morphine, Murder, Nightmares, Slow Burn, Straight Angst, Torture, Trials
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstrologicalGem/pseuds/AstrologicalGem
Summary: Melanie counts the days.---Melanie's time on Big Alice is marked by bruises, and blood. Eventually, though, she isn't alone, back on Snowpiercer.
Relationships: Melanie Cavill & Andre Layton, Melanie Cavill & Javier "Javi" de La Torre & Bennett Knox, Melanie Cavill & Wilford, Melanie Cavill/Andre Layton, Melanie Cavill/Wilford(past), Miss Audrey & Melanie Cavill, Miss Audrey & Pelton
Series: we rebuild [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032891
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	we fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks, PLEASE let me know if you need me to tag anything else!

Melanie counts the days. Counts the days that she stays in her cell. She counts the days by the bruises on her body-she starts with the ones on her ribs, then moves to her legs, The fresh bruises hurt the most; that's how she knows she isn't dead yet. Isn't dead yet, even though all signs would say that she is. The more bruises she has, the more she knows she won't survive much more of this. 

But she hopes. She hopes and prays and dreams whenever she manages to sleep, that somehow this will all work itself out, in the future. 

\------

It is Wilford who brings Allie to her. Cold, emotionless, unfeeling. Melanie cannot stop from sobbing when she sees her; cannot help but think this was all her fault. She looks up at him, at the smug look on his face. “What did you do to our daughter?”

“I made her stronger. Something you could never do.” He's arrogant, and Melanie wants so desperately to claw his eyes out that the feeling fuels her. 

“Bullshit. You made her into a monster. Just like me.” She takes a step towards him; looks him up and down. “You never made a strong woman, all you ever did was break them.”

He calls for the guards, tells them to take Alexandra away. He sits down, then. Melanie curls into the corner of her cell, legs pulled up to her chest. "Why the hell are you even here? Didn't get off from torturing me the first time today?" She mumbles, looking down. 

"I have a proposition, if you'll listen, Melanie." His voice possesses a gentleness she has not heard in a long time, and it makes her sick at the thought.

"I'm not taking any deal of yours."

"Hear me out." He raises a hand, as if to still her. "Come back to me. You hand me Snowpiercer, and I give you the life we always talked about. You'll rule by my side, my head engineer, and those little friends of yours will go back to their lives before all of this."

Her voice wavers as she looks down. "What about Bennett and Javier?"

"Both will be put to death. Oh, but don't worry, we'll train new ones. Ones that know to keep their hands to themselves." He moves his hand to run through her hair, and she shudders. 

Melanie shakes her head. "No. No, I won't-I won't do it." 

"Oh dear. It seems we've gotten ourselves into a predicament...you know exactly what happens when you refuse me, darling. It has never ended well for you..."

"I don't care. I don't care what you do to me, I'm never going back to that again." She looks up at him, shaking her head. 

"Whatever you say, dear." He stands up, pushes the chair back to its spot. He leaves, then, sparing her a glance as he walks through the door. 

Melanie paces, paces around her cell like a caged animal. She pulls at her hair, pulls until she cries. Pulls until she feels something different than the searing darkness that threatens to eat her whole.

\-----

He kills Allie that night. Brings her body to Melanie; then brings Melanie to bed. Melanie is silent as ever; after her outburst, she had deigned to give him any more satisfaction of seeing her so damn vulnerable. He lays her down, before heading to the bathroom. Moments later, he comes back out, just boxers on. Melanie looks away, turns over in bed. 

"You aren't going to get changed, dear?"

She mumbles a response. 

"Speak up."

"Don't need to." She looks over at the wall, curls up further into herself. 

"I remember, every night you used to wait until I got changed to get out of bed and change, into those big t-shirts of yours, most of which you stole from me. Did you ever do that, anymore?"

She doesn't respond, just looks down at the floor, and wraps her arms around herself, tries to create some semblance of warm. Wilford raises an eyebrow, climbs into bed next to her. He wraps his arms around her, and she hates it, tries to just push the feeling out of her mind. 

“Please move..” She whispers, her voice barely audible. 

He tilts his head, she can feel it. “What’s wrong, dear? Are you not feeling well?”

“I just need you to move...please...” Her voice is hoarse, her throat scratchy. It feels like sand got shoved down her throat, into her lungs and her stomach. His hold around her loosens, and for that she's thankful, pulls her legs up in front of her. 

The night passes slowly, for Melanie. She doesn't sleep, doesn't even dare to move. Breathing is a challenge, most hours, even. The clothes she wears are too warm, pressed up against his front, but she suffers through. The morning comes, like it always does. One day, she hopes it won't, that by some will of God the morning won't ever come, and everything will end in darkness. 

\-----

Wilford releases her, the next morning. Allows her to go home, even if it is just for that day-he expects her back by nighttime. She heads from Big Alice, to the Engine of Snowpiercer. She plans on a quick in and out, not seeing anyone. 

Her plans, unfortunately, are ruined the minute she runs into Audrey. Downtrain, in the Nightcar. 

_Shit._

"Melanie?" Audrey's voice is one of concern, and Melanie shudders just to hear it. 

"I don't-don't have time to talk, Audrey." Melanie tries to step away, and Audrey blocks her path. 

"We thought you were dead. Come on, we have to get you back to Layton..." Audrey grabs Melanie's arm, and Melanie yelps, pulling her arm away. 

"I can't, Audrey. I'm only here to grab something..." She pushes past Audrey, heading instead to the subtrain. It's less riskier than actually traveling the length of the train, and it'll be easier, considering the lack of good shoes. The subtrain is quiet, quieter than it usually is, and that worries her, for some godforsaken reason. She knows Layton and Bennett are somewhere, somewhere away from the Engine, and for that she is thankful. 

She tries to make her way through First Class without anyone running into her; she's sure someone might recognize her, but she couldn't care anymore. Ruth isn't there, and neither are any of the people from the Tail, which means she'll hopefully get in and out without anyone ever seeing. Getting the things from her room in the Engine will be the problem though: Javi will be there, and Miles likely will be too. _Fuck._

Melanie figures that she'll be able to get in and get out without any noise being made, if she's lucky. If no one turns around and looks to see what the door opening was. But no one does, and she slips into her room, digs out a bag-an old messenger bag, one that she had long since stopped using. She tosses a few shirts in it; some jeans. She takes the caliper from her drawer-the one Bennett had given her for her birthday, a few years ago, one of her most favorite items-and turns it over, looks it over. She tosses it into her bag, and covers it with a book. 

Hours later, sitting in the same bedroom she woke up in that morning, on Big Alice, Melanie takes the caliper from her bag, and shoves it into her pocket. Wilford comes out of the bathroom, and she fakes a smile, tries to play off any kind of emotion. 

"Did you enjoy your trip today, darling?" _God, that goddamn voice._

"Yes, sir." _Fuck this fuck him fuck all of this fuck everything that led to this fuck Bennett fuck Javi fuck all of this shit-_

Melanie doesn't think she can handle any more of this than she already has. She turns over, in bed, wraps her arms around Wilford-she hates the feeling, hates it, but knows the advantages of this position. He chuckles, and she despises everything in that moment. 

"Goodnight, sweetheart." 

"Goodnight, sir."

She waits until his breathing has evened out, before she moves. She grabs the caliper from her pocket, arm wrapped around his neck, and he wakes up then, thrashes under her grasp. Melanie takes the caliper, and lets out a dreadful laugh, too elated to even think.

_I've gotten this far. Who'll stop me now?_

He flails, and Melanie slaps him, puts the caliper to his neck. 

"You'd never do that, darling. Put whatever that is down, and we can forget this ever happened." Wilford's desperate, she knows it, and she smiles, a smile so damn true she feels like nothing would ever feel better than it does now. 

"I'll see you in hell." Melanie slashes the caliper through Wilford's throat, the blood bubbling up. Blood gets on her hands, and she almost slips, slicing her hand on the caliper. Shit. 

She moves, stands by the bed. She takes a look at his body, and grabs her bag from by the bed, slings it over her shoulder, and walks out of the bedroom.

\------

Confronted between the border of Big Alice and Snowpiercer, Melanie hands Layton her caliper. Her hands are covered in blood, her blood, Wilford’s blood, the blood of soldiers. All she can think of is how dreadfully powerful she felt when she finally delivered the fatal blow to Wilford, how wonderfully empty she felt when she saw the life fade out of his eyes. 

No better than him, no better, just a monster like he wanted. The monster he created. Through torture and mind games and the blood, good lord, the thought of all the blood makes her sick. Sicker than she already is, and she doesn't think she can get much worse. 

Layton walks her through Snowpiercer; practically marches her to the infirmary. But he, he is gentle. Gentler than Wilford ever was, she thinks. His hands are covered in blood, now, too, and she can’t help but think of just how damn ironic that is. 

He brings her to Pelton, near drags her to the doctor. She ushers him out of the room then, and some part of Melanie wants to ask if he’ll stay. Stay, because she isn’t even sure if she can look at herself right now. Stay because she missed him, because he’s on her side now and some part of her wants, no, needs him by her side. Stay because she doesn't think she'd be able to answer anything they would have asked her. 

But she doesn’t ask if he’ll stay, and he leaves, stands by the door. Pelton is gentle with her, silently wraps bandages over her ribs, places her shoulder back in its socket. Melanie lets out a cry at that, and Layton looks into the room. She waves him away, doesn't look at him. She doesn't think she can. Layton comes back in, after that. 

"Can I hug you, Melanie?"

Melanie nods, still looking down. He wraps an arm around her, awkwardly, and she lets him, embraces the feeling of normalcy this brings-she wants to laugh, at that part. Being hugged by Layton, of all people, reminds her of normalcy. Reminds her of the days where she didn't think she was broken. 

Pelton tells her that some things won't heal, and that the things that will heal, will take time. She expects her ribcage to heal first, but the bruises will take time. And that eventually the migraines and overall soreness will go away, but that will take time, and medication. Melanie doesn't care, can't care anymore than she already does because the feeling of caring hurts more than anything else can. 

Breathing hurts, though. Breathing hurts, and it makes her head spin, but she tries to brush it off, tries to pretend like she _isn't_ sitting in the infirmary in a blood soaked shirt with marks all over her back and chest because Wilford has always been rough, even after those seven years. Tries to pretend that the room isn't spinning, and the ringing in her ears has gone away, and that she isn't going to cry because Cavills _don't_ cry, even after their boyfriend broke up with them and they fell off a train and their ex husband had done all manner of bad things to them and their daughter had died for real. 

Pelton finds an IV drip, puts it into her arm. The bag is filled with morphine, Melanie realizes, and suddenly it all stops. 

\------

It takes a few days before Pelton will agree to her release. Melanie needs time to heal, she argues, which buys her time. Layton doesn't dare to disagree with that-he's seen first hand how bad the injuries are. He's the one who held her hand the first time Pelton had to change the bandages on her ribs, the one who cradled her as she cried herself to sleep almost every night. Even then, released as she is, it's to the Engine. Engine arrest, Layton says, and only until trial. He says trial won't take long-the likelihood of her conviction is slim. No one would judge her for the killing of Wilford; that was something many had wished for. 

Pelton tells her to keep a journal. Audrey seconds that, speaking from the therapist perspective. Melanie isn't sure she even wants the therapist perspective-the idea of talking to someone, after everything she had gone through, well, it terrified her. The journal idea gets tossed out the window several hours after it was suggested, because the first time she tries to write she cries. The first time she has, in front of anyone. That scares Audrey and Pelton enough to stop that plan, move on to a different one. 

Daily therapy sessions get tossed after Audrey mentions she doesn't want Melanie to feel forced. So does daily check-ins. Eventually, they settle on the weekly therapy sessions. Melanie is thankful, for that; weekly sessions are easier to evade than daily, as she had known. Easier to just pretend like she had forgotten, or something like that. 

Melanie settles on weekly therapy sessions-to which she silently tells herself will be weekly sessions of fixing the damage left by Big Alice, first starting with that hatch at the top of the train. And she can only pray that one day, she falls. 

\---

The time before her trial had passed quickly. Bennett and Javi were quiet as ever in the Engine, and Melanie was too, conversations only happening when necessary. Neither of them commented when she came back from therapy with oil in her hair; she was thankful for that. The two places she were was the Engine and therapy in the Nightcar with Audrey; and even then, those from Big Alice said she shouldn't be allowed there. 

Those from Big Alice, whose leader she had killed in cold blood, called for her to be executed or drawered or some other awful things she would never dare to repeat. She supposed it wasn't their fault; Wilford had created a cult of personality, and they were simply the people he had fooled. Some days, she felt bad. Other days, she couldn't help the apathy that she was led by. 

Melanie finds herself missing Layton. Andre Layton, of all people, the man she had tried to kill, once. Andre Layton, the man from the Tail who fucked up her life in ways she thought only she herself could. Andre Layton, the man who she misses because of the way he was gentle with her, the way he would put up with all the shit she said. _Andre._

Eventually, the day of her trial comes. Layton and Till are the two who bring her from the Engine to the Nightcar, the car that had been transformed to make a trial space. Till takes a step back when she sees her; Melanie remembers that she hasn't seen the other woman since before. 

"You ready, Melanie?" Layton holds out his hand, and Melanie takes it.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

The walk to the subtrain is quiet; Melanie remembers that a month ago, when she walked through to avoid anyone, she hadn't thought this would happen. Hadn't thought that she would get her freedom that easily-or at least some semblance of it. Hadn't thought she'd ever see Layton or Till or anyone, really, ever again. 

Entering the Nightcar, it's near silent. Layton leads her in, Till behind her. The trial begins. Melanie doesn't think much of it; she speaks when she's spoken to, she answers whatever questions they want to ask. The trial concludes, and the jury goes to deliberate. Layton turns to her, asks her something-she doesn't hear it, looks out over the crowd. 

"Melanie?" Layton places his hand on her shoulder, and she jolts, tenses up. 

"Yeah?" Melanie tries to relax, steadies herself. 

"Did you hear any of what I just said?"

Melanie nods, and Layton stops talking, after that, apparently satisfied with her answer. She lets out a shaky breath when the jury comes back, hands folded tightly in her lap. 

\----

The jury finds her not guilty. Melanie isn't shocked at that, neither is Layton. He walks her back to the Engine; she finds herself wanting to ask him to stay. 

_Stay, and maybe I can make up for all the shit I put you through, for all of the chaos in the past, for all of the things I did to you and you did to me and-_

_Stay, because I think I'd like to...kiss you, maybe._

Just like before, though, she doesn't. He walks her back, and she tells him that she'll see him later. She watches him leave before she walks into the Engine; closes the door behind her. 

_Rebuilding is a process_ , Melanie muses. _Just like everything else on this godforsaken train, it takes time._ And Andre Layton was _not_ part of that process she had planned. 

_God, I'm fucked._

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr @onetrainsnowpiercer, always down to vibe with new people :)


End file.
